Share your Light, Spread the Love

via Pacific MFT Network (cross-post) 

Given the horrific amount of tragedies, violence, and hate polluting our world in present day, we have been thinking a lot about how we can possibly combat this as individuals in our own communities. 

Following the Orlando tragedy [#prayfororlando #prayforhumanity] just a week and a half ago, we posted this moving quote by Martin Luther King Jr...

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that".

Sometimes, it's easy to get caught up in all the darkness around us, only to slowly, tragically, experience the fading light that comes from within ourselves. 

In face of the very real, very scary existence of travesty, terror, and pain - we remind you of the power of that glimmering light inside of you.

Don't let it fade. Spread it!

Tell the person next to you why they are wonderful and worthy of love. Serve in your community. Give to the needy. Help that elderly woman to her car. Help promote a healthier environment. Save a stray and starving dog. Build a loving, humble, safe home for your family...Whatever it means to you, give your time to what's good in our world...and keep loving others...

...because "a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle" - James Keller. 


Rachel Cord, Registered Marriage and Family Therapist Intern #89397. Pacific MFT Network, © 2016.

Strong Body-Strong Mind | Eating Disorder Support Group | Fall Schedule

Sliding fee scale available if needed.

See Fall schedule below.

Please contact Pacific MFT Network directly for information on joining!

www.pacificmft.com

Fall ED Tribe Schedule

Fall Session I

Tuesdays 430-6PM

Sep 6th

Sep 13th

Sep 20th

2 week break

Fall Session II

Tuesdays 430-6 PM

Oct 11th

Oct 18th

Oct 25th

Nov 1st

Nov 8th

Nov 15th

1 week break

Fall Session III / Holiday Session

Tuesday 430-6PM

Nov 29th

Dec 6th

Dec 13th

Dec 20th

SquadTalk & Brunch Girls Group! (Pacific MFT Network)

New girls brunch group in Manhattan Beach! Details below. #squadgoals

New girls brunch group in Manhattan Beach! Details below. #squadgoals

Come hang with the girls and:

When: Sundays at 10:00am, BEGINNING July 17th, for 6 weeks

Where: Pacific MFT Network, 1230 Rosecrans Avenue, Manhattan Beach, CA

How much: $45/session - includes breakfast, coffee, and tea.

Now what: Call or text Pacific MFT Network at (310)-226-2826 for more information*

*Squad Talk and Brunch is a closed anxiety process group for women between the ages of 17 and 24 years old, facilitated by one of our fabulous therapists, Marina Braff, MFT Intern 89340, under the supervision of Tracy Bevington, MFT 53455

Pacific MFT Network is a professional network of highly skilled licensed Marriage & Family Therapists and Marriage & Family Therapist Interns that are committed to empowering a sense of self in our clients and helping them achieve goals. 

email me: rachel@pacificmft.com

Gain Clarity This Summer

"Live the life you have imagined" - Henry David Thoreau

"Live the life you have imagined" - Henry David Thoreau

School will soon be out, work schedules may be slowing down, and that June-gloom is hopefully burning off by noon...yup, it's about time to grab those flip flops and beach towels!

For those lucky enough to actually experience a "vacation" over summer, increased leisure time & a less hectic schedule provides the perfect opportunity to hit the beach, get off the grid, and do more things that make you happy.  Hooray! 

Summer break is also a chance to reflect and create positive change for yourself.

We're about half-way through 2016...How are your resolutions going for this year? Are you accomplishing steps towards your big-picture goals? And most importantly, are you honoring yourself, your wellness, your family, and your visions?

Whether you are in search of something more, feeling defeated by life or relationships, or simply would like to explore and understand yourself more deeply, we encourage you to reach out & learn more about how one of our skilled therapists can support you here at Pacific MFT Network.

We are here to serve our local South Bay/LA Community, empowering strength in self and encouraging whole-hearted passion and participation in life. 


You have the Power to Live the Life You Want

We are a network of highly skilled licensed Marriage and Family Therapists and Interns who are committed to cultivating a sense of empowerment in our clients, to help increase self-esteem, identity, and actualization of goals and visions for a fulfilling life.

We do so by creating a relationship that is based on genuine care and concern, non-judgment, and support. Our mission is to help you help yourself live a happier and more satisfying life.

Individual Therapy - Adults, Teens, Children

Couples Therapy

Family Therapy

Group Therapy

...click here to learn more about our services and specializations...

Contact:

310-226-2826

www.pacificmft.com

Letting Go: "Perfect" is not a real thing

While I've been taking some time off from sitting down to reflect and write in the past month, I can't stop thinking about this particular article by Lee Neagle, MA & RiverMend Health, and have decided to share some of the wealth of wisdom I've been coming across lately!

One of the major themes I see coming up in my own personal sphere, as well as with many of my clients, is the glorification of being overworked, overwhelmed, over-scheduled, and going above and beyond...all.the.time. We are praised for having packed schedules, working 50 plus hours a week, pulling constant all-nighters to stay at the top of the class, etc. etc.....I notice this especially with adolescents and young adults, but regardless of age or stage of life, that pressure and drive to constantly achieve, do, succeed, or win seems to be hammered into our brains as necessary and honorable - but at what cost? 

My own experience with letting go of obsessing and striving for perfection makes me particularly passionate and close to this topic. It may seem counterintuitive, but thinking you have to do everything perfectly all the time, and trying to be the perfect version of yourself (whatever your version of that is) may actually be destroying you and doing the opposite of moving you forward.

Perfectionism can lead to a variety of serious physical, emotional, and mental hardships, eating disorders being one of them. This article says it all, and I encourage you to read it if you or someone you know fits the description of "perfectionist"..... that life isn't as easy or glamorous as it may seem. 

http://www.rivermendhealth.com/resources/life-for-the-perfectionist-can-be-imperfect/

P.S. - by no means do I undermine the importance of hard work, dedication, goal-setting, and follow-through...the key is finding a healthy balance, which is a whole other important topic in itself...stay tuned for more on that!

This One's For the College Kids and the Yuppies

IMAGE FROM PATRICK BUCKLEY'S "THIS IS WATER" - SEE FULL VIDEO BELOW.

IMAGE FROM PATRICK BUCKLEY'S "THIS IS WATER" - SEE FULL VIDEO BELOW.

Some of the best days I ever had were in college (insert shameless plug for the best school ever, Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, where I got an amazing education and an unforgettable college experience all in one!). I was young, naive, blessed with parents who supported me in many ways, and lucky to meet my life-long best friends within my first terrifying week in the freshman dorms.

I know that not everyone who has the opportunity and resources to go to a university has this same positive experience, but in general, going away to college can be like spending a few years in an imaginary world where you get to live with your best friends, ditch class if you just don't feel like "adult-ing" that day, and going to "the library" could either mean going to study for midterms, or going to happy hour...(mom, if you're reading this, it was always going to study).

Of course I may be looking back through slightly rose-colored glasses, and there are definitely a plethora of life-changing challenges and stressors that come crashing down during this time too. Those 4-5 (or more) college years can be extremely trying, in between trying to balance work, classes, the social pyramid, figuring out an identity for yourself, and not completely disconnecting yourself from your family and friends from home (yeah, you may have to force yourself to call your parents back every week and humor them with your latest updates on life, but it's worth it). College is a huge transitional period, and transitions are naturally extremely difficult, and often trigger some pretty deep psychological and mental health issues.

But I think the biggest and most shell-shocking transition for many, starts to kick in that last semester before graduation...when you wake up one morning and look in the mirror at your youthful yet exhausted face, and suddenly realize that you're supposed to know what you're doing with your life after all of this comes to an end!!? All of a sudden, those feelings of security and invincibility begin to fade.

Life after college isn't as glamorous, freeing, and fun as it may seem...and that can be a very rude awakening. The "entry level jobs" you're qualified for all seem to require 5 years of experience or a masters degree...and you may not get the job you really want for a very long time...or even know what job you want in the first place...and when you do start working - you'll get tired of the day in and day out of the "average adult day" real quick.

Whether a college student/grad or not, we've all experienced this daunting and terrifying question of .... Now what??? during some transitional point in life - because life is full of them.

Change is scary, but the best part about change is that it usually includes having some sort of choice. And the choice here has to do with deciding what your life is going to be...

I beg any college student or recent grad to watch this video, and pay special attention to the words, because I wish that I had heard this speech on my graduation day....But I also encourage anyone under the sun to watch and listen, as it provides a refreshing look on perspective, awareness, and the human choice we have to decide how we are going to think, see, and experience the world...and that, my friends, is true freedom.

This talk by the late David Foster Wallace might just change the way you see the tiny, sometimes annoying, details of life. This was the commencement speech he gave at Kenyon College in 2005. The speech is published in a short book called This is Water.

False Ideas of Self-Worth

One of my favorite quotes from Brené Brown - Researcher and Storyteller

Where do you find your worth? 

Yesterday, i attended a wonderful *local training event about substance abuse and eating disorder recovery, and one of the many points that caught my attention was the idea that people who struggle with these issues have extremely low self-esteem and a false sense of self-worth (even though they can seem confident, independent, or strong on the outside). 

Specifically with addiction or eating disorders, self-worth is often linked to long-standing cemented beliefs that their value and worthiness are dependent on false ideals and extrinsic factors completely unrelated to their actual identity as a person. Many times, these distortions can be linked all the way back to even the smallest messages received in childhood. 

Whether or not you struggle or have struggled with a mental health disorder such as addiction or an eating disorder, self-worth is a very loaded topic for us all. So this gets me thinking, where do we find our worth? 

I think that this answer will vary person-to-person, but some ideas that come to mind from my experience working in this field, and just from being a person myself, include:

  • how much wealth and $$ you have - this one seems obvious, and can be pretty controversial and sensitive. All I have to say is that yes, money has value - it is what our economy and human livelihood is built on - but the value that has been put on wealth (and the skewed distribution of it) is pretty corrupt and devastating (that's just my opinion). And no, money does not = worthiness. 
  • how many friends you have - or instagram likes, facebook or twitter followers, etc. 
  • from the number on the scale, to the number of calories you eat/don't eat a day, to the number of push-ups you can do or miles you can run, to your latest plastic surgery, this is a big one in our society.
  • what others think of you. let's not pretend that we haven't all dealt with this one at some point in our lives. separating our own opinions, desires, goals, or likes & dis-likes, from those of others - especially people we naturally seek belonging, love, and approval from - can be a very difficult balance. 

Okay, so maybe all of these can be controversial and sensitive - and it really is about balance. Some of the things I mentioned can be healthy to a point, but, more than likely, quickly turn into a slippery slope, demanding unrealistic expectations or ideals about things that may not actually define who you are on the inside, as a human, a friend, a parent, a child, an advocate, an explorer, or a believer. 

So, my hope is that as a community, we will continue to be cognizant of the tempting, yet dysfunctional, ideas of what makes people valuable or worthy of love and belonging. There are far healthier and more productive ways for us to define our worth, and while I can't tell you what those things may be for you, I encourage you to reflect on how you tend to measure you worth, and where your worth really lies. 

"You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging" - Brené Brown

  

* The event I attended was put on by Clear Recovery Center, a comprehensive addiction recovery center in the heart of the South Bay, and A New Journey eating disorder recovery center, located in Santa Monica. 

Making Meaningful Resolutions for a New Year

It's just a few days until we ring in the New Year and start fresh with 2016. I know I'm not the only one with New Years resolutions on the mind...and this year, I want to approach it a little differently.

I am all about embracing new beginnings and setting goals, but it seems to me that these resolutions are oftentimes arbitrary and unrealistic (I speak for my own experiences here too). Every time I see a list of resolutions or hear people talking about it, they seem to be focusing on things like saving x amount of money, losing weight, or cutting some random food group out of their diet. And hey, if these are healthy resolutions that are realistic, purposeful, and important to your personal life context, who am I to discount that?

Whatever your resolutions are, the key is to set yourself up for success, perhaps with baby steps by making your resolutions small and manageable, but still meaningful to you. Don't make unrealistic expectations of yourself that will either discourage you from trying at all, or will cause shame or guilt if you don't reach them.

Remember that sometimes the smallest steps forward are the biggest victories.

Try to think big picture, rather than a "quick fix" to a problem you're having or something you are dissatisfied with in your life. Most importantly, make sure your resolutions align with your values, your wellness, and your long-term goals in life.

What we hope to accomplish and change in the future is relative person to person, but one thing that I believe is very important across the board is not to forget about the year(s) past...

If you are going to take the time and thought to make a new years resolution (or a few), be mindful about it. In the process of making goals and promises to yourself for the year to come, think about the past 12 months and what you have accomplished, learned, and experienced that has molded you to the place you are sitting right now. The past, present, and future are all intricately connected - so whatever your resolutions may be for 2016 - be sure that they honor you, those you love, and the big picture of what is most important to you.


Experiencing Joy When Your Cup is Empty

It is mid-December and we are in the middle of the holidays, also known as the "most wonderful time of the year". A time when we are supposed to be full of joy, surrounded by love, and at peace. But the disheartening truth is that our world is suffering from a lack of such things.

The irony is that right now I should be running a therapy group with 7 middle-schoolers, leading them in an activity intended to encourage reflection around "intangible gift-giving" (such as kindness, hope, gratitude, and trust). Instead, these children are not able to be at school due to threats of violence targeting the LAUSD, resulting in 900 school closures across Los Angeles today. Yes, we have a violence problem, a terrorism problem, a gun problem, but at the root of it all we have a humanity problem.

In these moments I wonder: how do we stay in the holiday spirit (or any kind of positive spirit) when there is such pain, fear, and tragedy happening around and within us?

As I sit at my desk feeling discouraged and saddened, I have to make the conscious choice to see the word "joy" printed on my tea-cup, to smell the "balsam fir" candle burning next to me, and to hear Frank Sinatra's rendition of "I'll be Home for Christmas" playing in the background. Here are a few simple ways to experience joy, even if your "cup of joy" appears to be empty...

1. Get outside. As tempting and cozy as it may be to stay indoors during this "harsh" California winter, getting outside can be the perfect redirection from negative feelings. Whether you take a five minute work break for some fresh air, find a beach to sit on, or go for an hour long walk, getting a taste of nature is a great "pick me up".

2. Snuggle a furry friend. Spend some extra time with your pet. Experiencing unconditional love and affection from a dog (or any animal you share a bond with) is actually an evidence-based way to feel a multitude of renewed uplifting emotions.

3. Tell someone you love them, and tell them why. In my opinion, the first step to feeling joy and combating the negativity in the world, is to open our hearts to others, spread the love, and remind people why they are cherished.

4. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for. Glad you have hot water to take a warm shower with later? Thankful to have someone who loves you despite how weird you really are behind closed doors? Blessed with money to pay for other things you enjoy and/or need? ... Perspective is the key to happiness.

5. Give back to your community or a charity. Because giving feels good. And the world needs our time and money invested in things that actually matter. Every little bit counts.

6. Exercise. What's that? Physical activity is good for the body AND the mind? Yes! exercise = endorphins = happy.

7. Make use of that mistletoe. Speaking of endorphins...if you're looking to self-medicate, kissing is one dopamine-producing drug I'm actually willing to support.

8. Remind yourself that it's okay to be happy, and that you deserve to be. Make a conscious decision to allow yourself to experience joy, however that may be for you. Mindfully living with intent, purpose, and awareness of the positive things, however small, is part of breaking down the walls that can prevent your heart from feeling happy.

There are many ways to experience joy, but sometimes it can seem impossible to find joy in things that normally bring us pleasure. Personal therapy is a good way to rediscover that ability in yourself. If you are interested in considering therapy, I encourage you to contact me to discuss options for therapeutic services.

How You Treat Your Body Is Affecting Your Mind

...because hangry is a very real thing...

As highlighted in my previous article called Emotional Self-Care, one of my greatest passions as both a person and a clinician is increasing understanding of the link between physical health and mental health (that "power couple" I like to call overall well-being).

A colleague and good friend of mine, Jessica Brennan*, is a Registered Dietitian who focuses her practice not only on the importance of adequate nutrition and exercise, but also on things like quality sleep and stress management to improve overall health and wellness. While this is wonderfully convenient for me personally, I also trust her as a key resource and referral for any of my clients who struggle with nutritional health, maladaptive relationships with food, or who need help figuring out the best diet and exercise routine for their specific needs, goals, and lifestyle (key word: specific).

One of the many reasons I appreciate Jessica's work is that she doesn't believe in any one perfect diet (hallelujah!). At a recent training conference, I heard a statistic that the #1 area of marketing with the most money spent per year in advertising - targeting us every single day in more ways than we know - is dieting. That may seem pretty obvious, but it still blows my mind how obsessed we are as a society with approaching quality of life and values from a highly superficial outward perspective. Majority of the time, these subliminal messages are targeting those of us longing for a quick, easy fix to all of the things we are dissatisfied with about ourselves and our lives (spoiler alert: that doesn't exist).

Lately, Jessica and I have been discussing how similar our viewpoints are on health and wellness, inspiring us to join forces with our differing skill-sets, educations, and specialties to talk about how exactly this is all connected, and why it is so important.

One major point that I try to discuss with all of my clients, regardless of what issue brings them to therapy, is that there is no way to be "running on all cylinders" mentally, intellectually, or emotionally, if your nutrition** and physical health***  are suffering - and vice versa! I find that a lot of people are either unaware of the implications of that fact, are making themselves sick trying to overcome or "prove it wrong", or are simply in denial to avoid making positive and necessary change.

...while that is tough to see - I understand it. I have been there, and I know there are layers upon layers of reasons why people choose unhealthy lifestyles that often inadvertently end up sabotaging their efforts to be successful, attractive, happy, or in control.

But we can't ignore the subjects that are easiest to avoid, and there are mountains of studies and empirical research findings revealing the direct key role that nutrition plays in the onset, severity, and duration of serious mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, ADHD, psychosis, addiction, and common issues people struggle with on a daily basis like lack of motivation, sadness, irritability, insomnia, fatigue, relationship distress ... i could continue, but you get the picture.

To continue reading about this, and to learn about Jessica's holistic, realistic, and self-compassionate approach to the food we put in our bodies - please click here for part 2 on this topic.

Stay tuned for further research in the field on this, and for updates on my blog about how I am integrating the powerful bond between nutrition and mental health in my practice - with a wide array of human issues and concerns.

* Jessica Brennan, RD, has a private nutrition practice in Redondo Beach, CA. For more information on her services, you can visit her website here.

** Nutritional health does not necessarily mean either over-eating or under-eating, being over-weight or under-weight etc. These overused labels are often arbitrary and vary person by person. Nutritional health is about eating a balanced diet, from which your body is able to get all of the energy and nutrients it needs to function properly. It is important that you consult with a professional if you are concerned about your nutritional health.

*** I use the term physical health here as a general umbrella term, encompassing many factors such as sleep, stress management, nourishment, physical fitness, medical self-care, substance use, neurological functioning, etc.